plots

Message 359:

Date:     Tue Dec 12 12:02:55 2000 CST
From:     Carydhuin (#5222)
To:       *plots (#1506)
Subject:  Failure....

Brad was sleeping, thank the gods.  Carydhuin slipped into the tent as silently as possible,
 grateful for small favours at least.   She ghosted in, standing there for a long moment, just
 watching him sleep, eyes tracing over him.  <<No reason to wake him up...>> she
 thought to herself.  <<He won't understand what's going on.  Better to explain later, when
 it's all over...if it ever -is- all over.>>  She folded the few things she needed, tucking
 them silently into her backpack, hefting it onto her shoulders.  
<<I'm to stay near Sef...as long as she needs me.  It's my fault she's blind...and I don't
 know if Ryken can heal her...>>  It was almost too much; the disillusionment on top of her
 failure.  She bit her lip, eyes dark, sparkling with tears.  <<Failed...>>

The events played back through her mind.  The lighthearted fun with Sef, glowing balls melting into
 pools of light...and then the idea.  A magical disguise, changing her face... <<Whatever
 possessed me to try it on -Sef-?  I know better...should have asked Ryken...he would've been
 prepared then....>> It had gone so well, right up to when she tried to unweave the energies.
  A strand that should have come easily unwoven, sticking, then snapping.  An explosion of energy,
 visible light, and agony as she pulled the backlash through herself.  And then...
<<Why won't he let me die?  I've failed him, failed my oath...>>  The self-condemnation
 was still there, no matter what Ryken had told her.  He'd forbidden her death - she would live -
 but for what?  <<Sef's blind, Wren hates me...Ryken doesn't know if he'll keep me as a
 student...>>  She looked down at her hands, tears tracing down her face.
<<I can't stay, Brad.  Not now.  You don't want me anyway...not someone who can hurt a child,
 -destroy- a child; someone who can't keep the most important vow of her life.  It's better if you
 don't know what's going on...because I can't stay.>>  

One slim, long-fingered hand reached to her side, hesitating, then lifting the dirk from its
 sheath.  She laid it down where she was certain he would see, untangling the rose from her hair
 and resting it on top of the dirk.  "I love you..."  she breathed, reaching out and touching his
 sleeping cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin.  He stirred slightly, turning his head.  With a
 choked sob, Carydhuin turned, running from the tent on silent feet, back to the Aristos where Sef
 lay sleeping, blind.